 | The sudden shock of return to "reality" can
be profoundly disturbing to the returnee, he is best seen as
a newly born baby albeit hairier and with some peculiar habits.
Some of these habits can be tolerated as harmless, some are distinctly
useful and some rather more perplexing. |
|
| Try to discourage him from collecting all
of the flammable rubbish from neighbouring houses. On still
windless days, he will attempt to use it to start a large fire in
the garden. Warning will be given by the announcement "I'm going
to have a burny!" this may occur on "gash" days (see below). |
|
| During winter months if there is a lake, river
or similar water course nearby that freezes over, he may again go
around neighbouring houses, this time to collect metal rubbish.
This will be carefully placed in a large pile out on the ice to
"blow out when the ice goes". Again gentle discouragement is in
order. |
|
| On some mornings he might declare brightly
"No work today I'm on gash!". If possible this should be encouraged
as he will enthusiastically wash-up, help with dishing up food and
be of great value around the house and kitchen. In extreme cases
he might be encouraged to make cakes, pastries or sticky buns which
he will come to regard as his specialty and take great offence if
anyone else makes them.
On less enthusiastic days he can be brought back into line with
a withering admonishment of "Slack gash!" |
|
| Also to be encouraged is the notion of "Scrub
out" which will happen once a week usually after dinner on a
Friday. The returnee will set about the cleaning of a particular
part of the house with gusto. Although this does have the disadvantage
that it could generate deep resentment if he perceives that other
members of the household are not pulling their weight. He can be
kept at bay for a little while by the claim "I'm on night watch" |
|
| Public houses are places where great care
is required. It is recommended that the returnee is not allowed
near the bar area unaccompanied for some considerable time. As well
as the fact that he will not have any money on him at all (having
neglected to bring any out) he will probably go behind the bar and
help himself and any others present to (unpaid for) drinks. His
claims of "I filled the fridge" or "I lobbed two bottles last week"
will unfortunately fall on deaf ears. |
|
| Do not allow him to purchase shorts from the
bar. An inevitable argument will follow with the bartender when
he complains that not only is he still waiting for his drink, but
he has been "handed a dirty glass" in the meantime. |
|
| If the returnee appears unusually tired during
the day, enquire as to whether he is "on night watch". He will
rejoice at the idea that it is unnecessary but probably be concerned
for some months that no-one else appears to be doing it. Tell him
that "it's the BC's job" and he doesn't need to worry. |
|
| Moods may depend on the weather to an unprecedented
extent. Forget SAD (seasonal affective disorder), this is more
like DAD - daily affective disorder. On bright sunny days (especially
if very cold) your man may be bizarrely happy, almost skipping around
saying things like "I'm going out to get the grips in, it's dingle!".
On other days when he may complain that "it's manky" and begin
acting like the world is going to end or indeed has ended. On very
windy days, panic may set in and he may been seen outside the house
lashing down the family car, garden shed and any other potentially
moveable objects. |
|
| Babies at a certain age seem not to acknowledge
that anything exists unless it has been given a bit of a chew or
sucked for a while. Likewise the Antarctic returnee will feel
the need to photograph every event of even the slightest significance
to acknowledge that it is worthy of attention. The object / event
will be recoded as it is or with some-one else in the shot (he may
helpfully offer to take a photograph of any others present with
their camera) and of course with your man himself in the midst of
the action (someone else will have to take this shot). If no-one
else present has a camera, he will undoubtedly announce that "you
can all have copies of my grips" but will secretly be very pleased
that he alone will have the event recorded. |
|
| The response to attractive young women may
be rather alarming as the returnee will have a tendency to stare.
The young lady in question, if it is not possible to warn her in
advance, is best removed. Shaking the head and looking down is all
that should be offered as an explanation to the condition lest she
become interested and he decides to go for some fast-track rehabilitation.
Also it may be worthwhile telling him that not all of those films
he saw on base were doccies. |
|
| Don't enquire any further if he mentions that
he "crumbled". |
|
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