New Study: Global Warming Caused by Sun

[Daniel Santos]

September 5th, 2006 4:26 PM, College Station, TX -- Texas A&M University's Department of Agricultural Sciences made a break through discovery about the phenomenon known as global warming. "I was out checkin' all my cows in this scorchin' heat when I got to thinkin' about global warming" says Michael Beltrue, a sophomore agg. student at Texas A&M. "I started putting one and one together and I kept getting three. I told my professor about this and before I knew it, we had us a new project!"

Laboratory studies found that on days when the Sun rose in the morning, thermometer readings skyrocketed. Peer review with other scholastic institutions verified these findings. "We had our class replicate the experiments done at A&M and had remarkably similar results!" said Susan Pelenski, 3rd grade teacher at Oakdale Elementary School. "The kids really enjoyed this. It's way better than that whole vinegar and baking soda volcano experiment we did last semester."

Professor Noe Inkling, head of Agricultural Studies couldn't be located for an interview, but his associate, Professor Fulkin Klewlis helped us to understand the research better. "It seems that the Sun gives off rays that caused all of this heat. That's what we're really talkin' about here."

Copyright 2006, Dissociated Press
Daniel Santos

Disclaimer: This posting is humor (please don't flame me for debunking global warming! For those not familiar with Texas A&M, this posting is also somewhat of an "Aggie joke", a fairly popular sport here.

[psr]

Daniel,

I think sometimes we need a little light humour to put things into perspective....I might need to quote Mr Fulkin Klewlis one day so I hope you don't mind...by the way...being Aussie I'm not familiar with the sophomore Aggie thing, so basically, what is it????????????

psr

[Pirates Armada]

yeah klew us in eh? otherwise it's a real snoozer of a topic hear, doncha think psr?

[psr]

I don't know about that pirates....I haven't had this much fun since my last visit to the dentist!! Besides all that talk of gloom and doom is enough to get anyone's heart racing!


psr

[Pirates Armada]

you are one strange bird psr, if i may call you that. as far as i can tell there isn't much of that "the world is going to hell in a handbasket" talk here. what i can see as progress has been uncovering perpatraders of this delicate little existence we call humanity. problem solution, check and balances, debate and so on..having starting points making change and what have you. discovering new ideas...you get the picture. gloom and doom to me is turning a blind eye. I absolutly love the dentist too!!! that whole "are you guys pulling out my gums kind of feeling" looks like we this could be the start of something special psr, i mean me and you.

[Daniel Santos]

I think the term "aggie" originally referred to somebody going to college to study agriculture and for Texas A&M University, became the "pet name" of somebody who graduated from there (I think the "A&M" stands for "Agricultural and Military", not 100% sure). Anyway, the stereotype of Texas + agriculture = backwards farmer, hick, bubba, red-neck, etc. Also, it's a university rivalry thing; people from one school start making jokes about people from another and this one just sort-of grew outside of university life and so we tell "Aggie jokes" here -- sort like like "blond jokes"... Example: "Q: How many intelligent aggies does it take to screw in a light blub? A: Both of them"

Oh, and Professor "Fulkin Klewlis" ... as in "f*ckin' clueless"

Anyway... I'm not to worried about Mother Earth in the sense that we will destroy Her, I don't think we are significant enough to do that. We have hurt Her a great deal however, and I know that She's going to have to do what She has to do.

But I'm not too caught up in doom and gloom... So we'll experience rapid depopulation, life will go on. Let's be realistic, it's only natural that this would follow a massive population spike (i.e., the last 200 years or so). If we stay focused on the negative, we'll miss the greater part of life, which is all of the beauty in the world and all around us. I don't live in a fairy tale, I like to be aware of what's happening, but I don't like to stay fixated on the negative aspects thereby shortchanging myself and others. Hah! The end of the world as we know it doesn't have to be the "end of the world"

Daniel

"I did not want to come to dying to find that I had never lived"
-- some poet